Tony

Although we shared 14 years of our lives together, my good memories of him are sporadic, at best. I remember our first meeting (he prepared a coffee takeout order for me); I remember watching Secretariat winning the triple crown with him; I remember our wedding day; I remember some of the Christmas times we had; and, I remember the days when I gave birth to our children (his greatest gifts to me).

I was a different person then. I was much younger (late 20's), in good health, and full of love and life! And he was a different person, too. Always laughing. Always drinking. I think our problems started during our second year of marriage. His drinking got heavier, and the fights quickly escalated and became more frequent. Knowing that things would only get worse, I decided that divorce was my only option if I was going to survive. After 10 years of marriage, I did divorce him and moved back to the continental United States with my children.

Over the following years, we all changed. I found the path I was to follow, my children grew into adulthood, and he just got older and continued to drink. I know that several women came after me but I refused to let it bother me.

In my eyes, he died right after the last time he hit me. In my children's eyes, he was their father. And that, of course, is how it should be. I raised my children to be strong, respectful, and honest. People tell me that I've done a good job raising them. And, I am proud of them both.

Tony died this past weekend, just past his 74th birthday. While I do not grieve his passing, my children have lost the man who was their father. Dealing with this is going to be difficult for them both. Neither of them knows what emotion to feel. He was the man who gave them life, yet they both were witness to the person he was. I grieve for my children, and hope that I have made them strong enough to get through this trying time.

And to you, Tony, rest in peace.