Little Brother

For the life of me, I cannot remember how long it has been since I met him. I know it's more than seven years, maybe ten. He came into the shop looking for a gift for his wife, and that's how long it has been. We became friends right from the start, and although during that time we were a continent apart, we never lost any part of that friendship. My life is good that way -- when I make a true friend, neither time nor distance diminishes the friendship.

He is my other 'shoulder to cry on'. He was there through most of my marriage; he was there when my son-in-law left my daughter and my grandchild just before Christmas a few years ago. He has laughed with me, and he has cried with me. I, in turn, am there for him when his spirits are low and he needs to be reminded of how life is in the world in which he and I live.

He worries about my health -- probably more than I do. He does his best to keep me on the straight and very narrow path to a better and healthier lifestyle. He has seen first-hand what happens to people with my maladies, and he doesn't want me to suffer through the rest of my life. And for that I have bestowed the name 'Little Brother' upon him. Actually, every time I think of him a voice in my head says 'Little Brother', so in actuality I am not giving him the name -- it's coming from Bear. But he will recognize himself here.

He is not yet a healer, but is well on his way to becoming one of the best. I'm sure that he doesn't realize this yet and this paragraph will be quite a revelation to him. He will now understand his affinity to the Native people, and his strong desire to help all those who need him, including me.

I am honored to call him 'friend' and, now, Little Brother.

Kay

Her face is shattered, as is her spirit. She is the victim of many years of domestic abuse. She comes to me for help, since she knows that I have gone through the same. But it is her soul that I worry about. She talks of giving up, of doing the unthinkable. She feels that she is so worthless that even her sons want nothing to do with her.

I've known her for about six years, and have seen the damages that, all too often, have been done to her. A black eye here and there, two broken arms. The police don't like to 'meddle' in domestic cases, and the shelters are full. She has few friends, and they don't like to get involved. A phone call to a friend helps. I tell her that I am calling in favors. The friend finds that a space has just opened at one of the shelters, and I send Kay to her.

She comes in again about six months later. She is much better, she tells me. The time she has spent at the shelter has given her a new lease on life. She has found an apartment, gotten a job, and is learning how to do for herself.

The next time I see her is about four months later. She again has a blackened eye, and her wrist is in a cast. When I ask what happened, she tells me that she returned to her husband. She spent the previous night in the emergency room, having her wrist x-rayed, and resting from his onslaught. When I call the shelter, they tell me that she left of her own accord. A month later I learn that she is dead -- at her husband's hands.

She was not young, nor was she old. Forty-five at most. She had been a vibrant woman when I first met her, and I had seen that woman become broken and despondent. Sadly, I knew exactly what she went through, and her thoughts could have been mine -- at another time. Gratefully, I knew when to get out, and I learned how to deal with what life threw in my path. Perhaps she could have learned; I will never know.

Ron

In this time, we have known each other about 7 years, and have seen each other twice. Our bills for telephone calls between us could repay the national debt, and we spend hours and hours chatting on instant messenger. He has been my strength during my darkest hours, and I have protected him during the myriad times he has struggled to remain alive. Our feelings for each other transcend the highest of the high, and the deepest of the deep. And he is the one person on this earth that really knows the 'real me'.

We live in different worlds. He was raised in a very small town in northern New England, while I grew up in New York City. His talents in the physic world are truly incredible. Far different from my world, but very similar in many ways. He will not tell me what will happen in my life, and I respect him for that. He will only say that I shouldn't worry -- I will be fine.

He is an imposing man, somewhere around 6'3" tall, and the only way I could describe him is 'lanky'. Not thin, by any means, but not big either. He gives the impression of being well educated but, in truth, my education was longer than his. He has the 'street smarts' that are needed to get along in this world. His sound of his voice can be very soothing, and he is a very private person. Yet he has shared with me some of his very personal secrets. Those secrets will not be repeated here since they are his secrets and are not for me to divulge. Suffice it to say that he is the person that he is because of things that he has done, or lived through. He has come to terms with himself, and keeps me on the 'straight and narrow' as I follow the path I have chosen. As you will recall, I mentioned him previously in my blogs. He is the one who showed me the paths I could choose from, and regressed me so that I could find my past.

He is one of my 'shoulders to cry on', and always shows me the brighter side of what is happening. He makes me laugh at times when I do not feel like laughing. I once asked him why he did that. Simply put, he loves the sound of my laughter.

Our conversations touch on many, many subjects. And we teach each other and learn from one another. I am his 'sweetness'; he is my 'sweet'. I am so grateful for him -- for his presence in my life, for his understanding, for his kindness, for his respect, and for his love.

Mwah, Ron.

Inner Peace

A few of my readers have mentioned that I only touch on the tip of the iceberg in some of my blogs, especially those relating to Bear and Silverfox. And they are right. So, dear readers, I will expand on those blogs in a while. But first, this one must be written.

Many people have asked me how I get through some of the things in my life, and my response, almost always, is inner peace. The next question is usually, 'how do I find that'. Admittedly, achieving this is not easy. Nor is there a steadfast way of doing it. There are always ups and downs on this road, but determination is the key.

First, and foremost, you must come to terms with yourself. You must learn to forgive yourself for any and all wrongs that you have committed during your past, no matter how small we may feel they were. This is sometimes a very difficult thing to do. We tend to seek forgiveness from those we have hurt, but forget to forgive ourselves. Blaming others for causing us to do our misdeeds is not the answer. 'Fessing up' to what has been done, and learning why we did it, are the first steps. From there, we must learn something beneficial from what has been done. Did this deed allow us to grow as a human being, or did it set us back? If it set us back, what was done to rectify the situation within ourselves. Did we learn anything from the experience and, if not, what have we done to teach ourselves? Once we have learned to do this, the rest comes naturally.

Reflecting on one's own life is the key to helping others. Yes, I have done some things of which I am not proud. A few have cost me long-time friendships. But I have learned to forgive myself. No, I won't repeat these 'offenses', but they have taught me that no matter how bad things seem, there are always clearer skies ahead. And did I grow from them? You folks know the answer to that. How you see me now is the result of all of this. I am honored to have so many people in my life now, most of whom I consider good friends. But what honors me most are those of you who seek my wisdom, and want to learn how to achieve the inner peace that I so treasure.